The Joys of Stress
It has been over a year now since I left my full-time job so that I could focus all of my time and energy on being a full-time author. However, I am much more than that. Because I started my own publishing company Ohana Books Publishing LLC, I am also the marketing director, the accountant, the publisher, editor, and about 1,000 other little jobs. All of these other jobs intertwine so thoroughly within my daily activities, that I often overlook the very reason I started all of this, and that was to be an author. Though I do write almost daily on one writing project or another, very rarely do I get to sit back and enjoy the fact that I write for a living. It is on the sporadic occasions like yesterday, that I can truly enjoy and stress about the fact that I am a published writer, and that people do like what I do.
Yesterday I had a book signing for about five hours at Scottsdale Gun Club. It is a very nice gun club where I have been a member at for some time, and during my time there I had made some friends. It was through the help of these friends that I was able to set up the signing yesterday. I must say too, that I really lucked out, because of the amount of stuff I had with me, we felt it was best to set up outside, right by their front entrance. This worked perfectly, being able to see everyone not only when they came in, but when they left as well. But more importantly, the weather was perfect, which made for a beautiful day to be outside and visit with people as they came to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights! During my time, I got to meet up with people who were at my very first book signing over two years ago, as well as meet up with those whom I’ve only known through social media, such as Instagram. Plus I had the wonderful opportunity to talk to and meet many new people. Overall, I consider yesterday a success and I am so thankful for the opportunity I had. The funny part though is hours before, I was sick to my stomach with stress and second-guessed the very idea of doing the event.
On a daily basis, I deal with anxiety and stress when it comes to talking to people and even more so, when it comes to people judging my writing. Because of this, I stress out every time, when I go out to do a book signing. I always question, “do I really need to do this?” Even though I know, that once it starts, I will have a great time. Once I start talking to someone, I truly enjoy it, and typically could talk for hours, if it's on a subject that I like. Despite all of this, I still worry. It is a major deal for me, personally, to be able to stand up and tell invite people to judge something that I have done. Especially my writing, because I put so much of myself into each book I do, so when it is judged poorly, I take that judgment very personally. I have been getting better, at trying to separate my emotional feelings, from the views of strangers, but still, at times it stings. Plus now, I get to deal with the fact that the battery in my pacemaker is fading, and the task of standing for nearly five hours puts an enormous amount of physical strain on my body. Yesterday, by the time I got home, I was worn out rest of the day and had little to no energy. Now though, as I think back to yesterday, I thank my Father in Heaven that he has blessed me with such a great opportunity, and I eagerly look forward to my next chance to get back out there and meet even more people!